Why Black Parents Should Never Argue And Fight In Front of Their Children

"Will Y'all please STOP fighting!"

I'm sure most of us can agree that it's quite natural and perfectly normal for Black couples to have differences of opinions, disagreements, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, etc., but does that justify them arguing and fighting in front of Black children? 

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

With that being said, practically every couple today engage in heated arguments for multiple reasons, and coincidentally, many of those arguments today usually concern the needs and well-being of children, especially within the Black family structure, and the saddest thing of it all is that many Black parents today don't know, don't understand, or simply put, don't give a damn about the mental, emotional,
and psychological impact they can inflict upon their children by engaging in very heated verbal and sometimes physical altercations in front of Black children on a regular basis.

"Oh boy....Here we go again!"

Please understand, there's a number of ways children, namely Black children are deeply affected from listening and watching their parents arguing and fighting each other on a regular basis, especially when the arguments and fights involve the children themselves. The mental, emotional and psychological impact most parental altercations have on their children can vary depending on the ages of the child(ren) involved.

Below, I will share the most common stages along with the ages of children and how they're greatly impacted as a result of their parents constantly verbally and physically abusing one another in their presence:

Toddlers:

Fighting in front of a very small child who happens to be a toddler will no doubt persuade the child to adopt the same body language and behaviors his or her parents demonstrate while arguing and fighting one another. At this very tender age, most children are very prone to imitate and reciprocate almost everything they see, especially in the home. 

Growing up in a home watching and listening to their parents arguing, fussing and fighting on a regular basis is perhaps one of many reasons why multitudes of Black children, toddlers in particular learn first-hand how to be verbally and physically abusive to one another.

Preschoolers: 

Children ages 3-5 years old are very delicate, whereas their minds are very impressionable, or very easily influenced. At this stage, preschoolers, or children between the ages of 3 and 5 years old began to develop emotions, as well as a slight sense of responsiveness, which can cause them to "act-out" in many negative ways including; bed-wetting, random crying, poor appetite, etc. 

Whenever preschoolers witness their parents arguing and fighting, psychologically they generally believe they're the cause of the arguments and the fight, which can lead to them conjuring up a very warped sense of importance in the lives of their parents. Trust me, preschoolers who experience their parents indulging in verbal and physical altercations on a regular basis are deeply affected in more way than we can ever imagine.

School Age: 

Quite naturally, this is the stage when children between the ages of 6 and 13 years old are far more developed, both emotionally and physically than toddlers and preschoolers. For the most part, children in this age range are very likely to shun and steer clear of both parents if they witness both parents arguing and fighting on a regular basis. It's because at this stage in a child's life, the child has started to develop a social life that extends beyond their parents. 

"I can't take this anymore....
I'm going to runaway!"

By that I mean with other people, such as teachers, class-mates and neighborhood friends becoming a very important aspect of their daily social lives, having parents who are constantly at each other's throat can become quite embarrassing, and perceived by school-age children 6-13 years old as being one aspect of their lives, or possible embarrassment that must be avoided. 

So if you and another adult are constantly fighting in front of your child or your children, please be aware of the fact that you run the risk of pushing them away, while at the same time losing their love and respect in the process. 

You and the other adult's constant verbal and physical confrontations become very depressing to your child or children, which often leads them to a life of rebellion and criminal behavior, especially young Black males.

Young Adults:

This is the most critical stage of any Black child’s life. It's the stage where most Black children between the ages of 14 and 18 are mentally, emotionally and psychologically competent enough to be in-tuned with everything around them to the point of  building their own identity and character traits accordingly.  

So if you are a Black couple fighting in front of your own

"And they wonder why I stay over my
boyfriend's house most of the time!"

young adult children today, then you unknowingly run the risk of causing them to dishonor you, to disrespect you, as well as to lose all of the love, trust and confidence they once had in you. 

Please Note that as young adults, most children today are already naturally inclined to reject, disrespect and disown immature, dysfunctional parents. 

"PLEASE DON'T GIVE THEM A REASON TO REJECT, DISRESPECT AND DISOWN YOU!"

The following is an amateur video clip of a young Black male recording his parents engaged in a heated argument. Sadly, he detailed what was bound to happen to him if he attempted to intervene. 

WARNING: This video contains strong language which may not be suitable for some viewers. 

                                                         Viewer discretion advised:

As stated above, most Black children today are prone to experience a sense of guilt, as they assume their parents are arguing and fighting because of them. The constant bickering, arguing and fighting of Black parents also makes Black children very ashamed of them; as most of them will fear that their parents will fight in public, thus embarrassing them in front of their teachers, acquaintances, as well as friends they may decide to bring home.

What Every Black Parent Need To Keep In Mind: 

By constantly watching you and your husband or wife engage in very hostile verbal and physical confrontations on a regular basis, please know and understand the following:

It can lead to your children or your child developing malicious and violent behavior....

It can lead to your children or your child struggling academically....

It can lead to your children or your child avoiding both of you....

It can lead to your children or your child to become very rebellious....

It can lead to your children or your child becoming ashamed of you....

It can lead to your children or your child becoming very depressed.... 

It can cause your children or your child to lose their sense of self-esteem.... 

It can lead to your children, or your child feeling unwanted and unworthy....

And in the worst case scenario, having parents that argue and fight on a regular basis can even lead to your children or your child developing suicidal tendencies.

Case and Point: All children, namely Black children are heavily influenced by the world around them. Contrary to popular opinion, our children learn more today by who we are rather than by what we teach. 

So it's very critical to note that our actions and attitudes as Black parents have the strongest influence on them, especially how we conduct ourselves in the midst of differences of opinions, disagreements, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, etc., with our spouse, or any other adult for that matter. 

"We love these children enough to STOP arguing
and fighting in front of them...HOW ABOUT YOU?"

Setting a good example, particularly when it comes to our daily conduct, and how we act, or react as parents in the presence of our children, helps to protect them and perhaps keep them from making unhealthy life choices mentioned above as they continue grow up and build moral character, in order to become self-sufficient, so that they're in the best possible position to become quality Black parents themselves, who will have children of their own, who will  grow up and repeat the same cycle of success.

With that being said....

In order for that to happen, as Black parents we must first learn to "STOP DOING THE THINGS IN FRONT OF OUR BLACK CHILDREN THAT WE DON'T WANT REPRODUCED IN THEM!"

All Thoughts Welcome!

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